Why I’m trying to stop pushing ideas
A stick person tries to push clouds of ideas!
I’ve started to notice a pattern in how I sometimes show up in meetings. (I wonder if you do this sometimes, too?)
I get an idea. I feel excited about it. I feel energised. I try to land it.
I keep going. Explaining. Adding context. Filling gaps that no one asked about.
It comes from a good place. But it can feel a bit like an eager puppy.
Too much. Too fast. Too long.
And of course, it doesn’t really work. For anyone.
Push vs pull
There’s a simple way of describing this.
Push is when I try to move an idea into the room. I explain it. Justify it. Sell it.
Pull is when I create space for people to come towards it. I ask. I listen. I let the idea take shape with them.
At first glance, push looks like influence. Pull can feel like holding back.
But in practice, it’s often the opposite.
Push triggers resistance. Pull invites ownership.
The mistake I’ve been making
I’ve been performing what I thought an extrovert should do.
Speak up. Speak clearly. Add value quickly.
But I’m not really wired like that.
I think better when I listen first. I understand more when I’m not trying to impress anyone.
So the pushing takes effort. And it makes things worse.
Longer explanations. More words than needed. More attachment to being “right”.
Which people can feel.
What pull actually looks like
Pull isn’t about being quiet. It’s about being deliberate.
A few small shifts make a big difference:
Start with curiosity
“What are you seeing here?”
Reflect before adding
“So it sounds like the risk is more about timing than budget?”
Offer, don’t impose
“There might be a way of looking at this slightly differently…”
Say less
One clear thought beats five supporting ones.
Let silence do some work
People often need a few seconds to think. Don’t fill that gap.
Why this works better
People don’t like being moved. They like arriving somewhere themselves.
When I push, people evaluate the idea. When I pull, they start shaping it with me.
That changes the dynamic completely.
It becomes our thinking, not my idea.
And there’s less need to defend it.
What I’m trying next
I’m reminding myself of a few simple rules (that I thought I already knew!):
Don’t speak first
Ask one good question before sharing anything
If I’ve ‘explained’ something once, stop
Notice the urge to “just add one more thing” and resist doing it
None of this is about being quieter.
It’s about making the contribution land with less effort.
A question I’m sitting with
If my job isn’t to bring ideas… e.g. to land a fresh, evidence-based way of reframing the thinking?
What is it?
I think it might be this:
To help the right ideas emerge, and make it easy for other people to draw them out for themselves, whilst contributing to a diverse and rich understanding as a group
Part of me knew all this already. Part of me is still figuring it out. One thing is definitely true: When I can hold to this, then everything feels like more fun - and less like hard work.
