When should we be open about failure?

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about vulnerability at work.

More specifically: when does being open about failure, uncertainty or doubt build trust… and when does it quietly erode it?

We often hear that vulnerability is a strength. That leaders should be more open. That teams thrive when people feel able to admit mistakes or say “I’m not sure”.

I believe that’s true.

But I also think context matters more than we sometimes admit.

Imagine a surgeon preparing to operate on someone you love.

You probably don’t want to hear:

“To be honest, I’m feeling quite uncertain today.”

You want confidence. Calm. Competence.

Not because surgeons should pretend to know everything. But because in high stakes moments, confidence helps create safety.

And yet, in other contexts, the opposite can be true.

I’ve sat in countless workshops, research debriefs and transformation programmes where the biggest risk wasn’t uncertainty.

It was certainty.

The senior stakeholder who already “knew” the answer.

The team too nervous to challenge assumptions.

The collective performance of confidence that quietly stopped anyone saying:

“I’m not sure this will work.”

Or:

“I don’t think users experience it like that.”

Or:

“I’m worried we’re solving the wrong problem.”

In these situations, someone often has to go first.

Someone has to model a different kind of behaviour.

Sometimes that means saying:

“I’m not certain yet.”

Or:

“We might be wrong.”

Or even:

“I think I got that wrong.”

Research into psychological safety suggests teams perform better when people feel safe to speak up, surface risks and admit mistakes. Not because failure is celebrated. But because silence is often more dangerous than honesty.

Of course…

Psychological safety is not the same thing as emotional openness.

And vulnerability is not the same thing as competence.

There’s a difference between saying:

“This is complex. We don’t have all the answers yet, but we’ll work through it.”

and

“I have no idea what I’m doing.”

One creates trust through honesty.

The other can create anxiety.

I’ve also learned that some people interpret vulnerability very literally.

You say, “I wasn’t sure what to do.”

They hear:

“This person lacks judgement.”

Others might hear permission…

- to stop pretending

- to voice concerns

- to bring unfinished thoughts (young ideas) into the room.

And sometimes a kind of collective intelligence emerges. People start to build on one another’s uncertainty rather than defend their own expertise.

A weak signal gets noticed. A hidden risk surfaces. A better idea appears.

In service design, this is where facilitation and transformation really starts. Change becomes possible when we accept ourselves as we are, recognise and welcome each other.

It’s so rare, though, because the culture we’re in sets the boundaries of what is possible. To admit what isn’t working. To challenge hierarchy. To acknowledge complexity.

It only happens when the room feels safe enough.

So safety rarely appears by accident.

It has to be modelled.

And perhaps it’s also helpful to remember that it isn’t always appropriate.

Here are three questions I try to hold onto:

1\. Does this create safety or anxiety?

Will sharing this help people think more honestly?

Or will it make them feel that nobody is steering the ship?

2\. Is this in service of the work, or for me?

There’s a difference between vulnerability and emotional unloading.

Teams need honesty.

They don’t always need our processing.

3\. What does this context require?

A surgery, a board meeting, a discovery workshop and a design critique all need different things. Sometimes confidence creates safety. Sometimes openness creates safety.

We have to think carefully about the context we’re in to know which one the moment calls for.

Being open about failure isn’t about saying everything. It’s about sharing enough truth to help others think more openly, while still giving people confidence that the work is in safe hands.

The older I get, the more I think leadership sits somewhere in the tension:

• Between confidence and humility

• Between expertise and curiosity

• Between knowing… and being willing to say you might be wrong